Catwoman
by leiaah
Summary: On Halloween day, Cobb is sent a job for an extraction via mail. He calls his team in to discuss the offer & tells them to come dressed in costumes so that the kids won't be disappointed with their lack of spirit for the holiday. Oneshot, giftfic, crack.


**Title:** Catwoman

**Style:** Oneshot

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><p>Cobb squinted through the frosted glass of the entrance door to his home, a figure seemed to be moving by the front gate, linger for a prolonged moment then continue on it's way. Cobb threw a glance over to the clock hanging in the hall way; it said seven-thiry-three, am. Just about the time the post man would deliver mail.<p>

He swung the door open and stepped out into the chilly morning, tugging his robe closer to his body, as he sipped on some freshly brewed coffee. Cobb walked over to the mail box and pulled out a very official looking, heavy, manilla envelope with a bright red 'confidential' stamped accross it.

He looked around again, the mail man seemed to have disappeared and had not completed rounds to the rest of the neighbouring homes.

Feeling a little weary, he trudged back into his house, primly shutting the door behind him and making a beeline for the kitchen table. Cobb emptied the contents of the envelope onto the table top and counted help but sigh at what he saw.

Another extraction job. In the back of his mind he thought that maybe he had to get a less risky job and do normal things for a change, for his kids at least.

Just as Cobb really got into the information a pair of feet came thundering down the stairs, the kids had woken up.

"Daddy!" James yelled as he launched himself into his father's arms, "morning!"

"Morning James," Cobb said as he kissed the boy's forehead.

"Hey dad," Philippa, ever the calm and reasonable girl, greeted meekly.

"Daddy! Can we please put up the decorations now?" James bounced on his heels as he produced a small chain of spiders from his pockets.

"Yes, okay, let's have breakfast first."

**x**

A couple of hours later, Cobb sat back on the grass of their front lawn to admire his and his children's handiwork with the Halloween decorations. Other families had either finished theirs or were working on them. Cobb smiled as James marvelled at all the webs, spiders, and ropes hanging around the house.

After appreciating their work, the kids went up to their playroom.

With a resignated sigh, Cobb headed over to the phone in the living room to make a few phone calls to his extraction team to talk over the new job.

"Oh, and Ariadne, come in a costume of sorts. The kids'll be disappointed if you're not in the Halloween spirit."

Ariadne chuckled and then said she'd see him later, then hung up.

**x**

"Thanks for throwing this party for the kids, mum." Cobb said as he adjusted his jester's hat, the bells on it's end jingled. He was very uncomfortable in the costume, it was poorly made and prickly on the inside.

"No problem," he mother smiled and she went out into the backyard with her bat-shaped cookies, the kids all screamed with joy.

The doorbell rang and Cobb made his way to the entrance door. Ariadne, had a little clown make-up on her face and was wearing mismatching clothes, she smiled and said "Happy Halloween" rather cheerfully.

Arthur was standing behind her, and he heaved a sigh as he stepped into Cobb's home.

"And what are you supposed to be?" Cobb cocked an eyebrow.

Arthur sighed yet again, and gestured to his camera that was slung across his torso, "a photographer," he answered.

Cobb shook his head then gestured them to follow him into his study. They sat around the desk, and before Cobb could take a seat the doorbell rang and he went off to get it.

Ariadne and Arthur sat in amicable silence as they waited for their host to return.

They hurd a muffled "woah!" and they turned towards the door before it slammed open and Eames was unceremoniously shoved in.

Ariadne immediately went into a fit of laughter, as Arthur shook his head in disgust.

"Eames! What the hell? There's kids all over this place!" Cobb stared at him wide-eyed as he quickly shut the door.

"Whaaat?" Eames dragged out, as he adjusted his junk that was pressed down by latex-leather, "I've got another party to go to you know... I wouldn't have had the time to go back home and change.

Ariadne now was doubled over and clutching her stomach, tears trailing down her cheeks and ruining her clown make-up.

Eames turned to Arthur and wiggled his eyebrows at him. Arthur scowled and looked away.

To say his costume was ridiculous was an understatement. Eames was wearing a full latex-leather body suit, equipped with a multi-purpose belt that held together a whip and faux grapple hook; the top part of his face covered in a thin mask that covered down to the bridge of his nose, and pointed ears sticking out on either side. He stood in the middle of the room with a hand on his hips and his bottom jutted out in what would be a provocative manner.

"I do pull this off, don't I, darling?" Eames teased as he saw that Arthur seemed to be the most disturbed by his appearance. Especially since the latex hardly left anything to the imagination where Eames' crotch was concerned.

"Eames, please!" Cobb spoke up to get their attention.

They all turned towards him, Ariadne now taking deep breaths and wiping away her tears with the back of her hand, he reached for the envelope on his desk (glaring at Eames before he did so) and again emptied the contents on the desk, taking out the main sheet with the mission instructions.

A few opinions thrown between them and talks about finances were made and they were soon done.

"Would you guys like to..." the questions fell short on Cobb's lips as he took in Eames' appearance all over again.

Ariadne had caught his drift, "you don't want the kids to see him do you?"

Cobb glanced at her, then back at the door, "I'll just get him something."

Eames, who was lounging in a leather seat, moved a little, causing an awful squeaking sound, he sucked his teeth, and glanced over at Arthur.

"Be a dear and get me something, Artie. You know you're not a big fan of parties."

Arthur rolled his eyes but was not about to give Eames the satisfaction of telling him he was correct, instead he stood abruptly, following Cobb and Ariadne out into the kitchen.

Eames frowned, and propped his head up in his hand as he waited for someone to return with some refreshments. Preferably some apple juice, he thought to himself.

Not very shortly after, Arthur came back with two cups of something, and a neat plate of finger food.

"Oh, Artie, you shouldn't have," Eames, waved his hand at him flirtatiously, he could almost see Arthur shudder with discomfort. "And what are you supposed to be, darling?" Eames asked after gobbling up half the food on the plate.

"A photographer..." Arthur provided.

Eames snorted, into his cup. Of course Arthur would do his absolute best not to put an effort into something as trivial as Halloween.

"You need to take risks."

"I'd rather not, thank you."

Eames stood and paced towards Arthur until he got really close. Arthur backed up until he hit a bookcase and was boxed in by Eames.

"Mr. Eames, please-" Arthur began but was stopped by Eames' lips locking over his.

Too shocked to move, or think for that matter, Arthur stood rigidly against the bookcase, eyes wide, and absolutely confused.

Eames broke the kiss, and looked at Arthur with was Eames assumed was a provocative look. He leaned over again to whisper in Arthur's ear.

"Meow..."

Gaining control over his previously rigid body, Arthur shoved Eames away, and stalked out of the office, and subsequently slamming the front door as he left Cobb's house.

Eames chuckled to himself heartily as he finished the rest of the pineapple juice that Arthur had brought just to spite him (he knew how much Eames hated pineapple juice) just to wash down the taste of Arthur from his lips. He shuddered slightly with unease, but Eames reasoned that the ever responsible and proper prick needed to loosen up.

A lot.

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><p><strong>AN:** I'm sorry this is absolutely ridiculous, LMAO. But my best friend was complaining about why Tom Hardy was given the role of Bane in The Dark Knight and that he should have been cast as someone hot like Catwoman or Robin or something. Catwoman was supposed to be a joke, obviously, but it festered in my mind, and she demanded a fic. SIGH, THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU DOWA, LMAO. Anyway, I hope this brought a smile to you, reader!

I'll have to come and maybe revise this, since I just literally wrote it like 5 minutes ago XD


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